My 30th birthday was this past Monday. I'm still not sure how I feel about it - And by "it" I mean being 30. My best friend came down to visit and stayed the night on Monday. We chatted about old times all the crazy situations we got ourselves into, and he asked me how it felt to be 30? At that moment I began to tear up. I really didn't want to fall for that whole "30 Hype", but the more I thought about all of the dreams and plans I had as a child I start to realize how little of it I've accomplished. 30 is that age that everyone says "By the time I ..." and it hit me and I felt dumb and quickly snapped out of it. I don't like dwelling on things that I can't change, but every now and then you're allowed to sulk a bit, right? After that we went back to laughing and drinking and talking about good times. I am optimistic about the next decade. I plan to make it the decade of "doing" and not another decade of indecisiveness.
I obviously didn't make my goal - you know the whole reason I started this blog and all. I think I'm down a total of about 13lbs from where I started. The moment I realized I wouldn't be anywhere near my goal I completely gave in. Trying to claw my way back out at the moment.
I'm not sure what the fate of this blog will be. Most
all of the time I feel like I'm talking to myself
about myself and it's weird. Lifestyle blogs (is that what this is considered?) tend to be self indulgent, which is fine if you're actually interesting but I'm quite bored with myself and find me rather dull. I feel like I'm at a point where I'm realizing I'm not helping anyone here and wondering if the time I spend here - as little as it's been recently - could be better utilized doing something else. Maybe I'm thinking too much into this because really it's just a fucking blog, I'm not splitting the atom.
Two really GREAT things did happen that I can attribute to this blog. It motivated me to go sign up for school. I've been putting that off for 12 years and it wasn't until I started blogging that I realized I NEED to do it, and do it now. The second one is indirectly
or not at all attributed to this blog. Ran and I decided to try for another baby! After we had our kiddo we talked about having another one fairly soon so that they could be close in age; Going on 8 years later we finally decided mostly because I'll be starting school that this was the time to have another one. This time around it's really about strategics - I don't want to be dealing with a newborn through any part of the actual nursing program. I
think I can handle work/home/baby through the first 2 years of G.E...At least that's how I'm hoping it all works out. By this time next month I could pregnant...cross your fingers!